Why Depressed Boys Don't Get Seen

We have heard a lot about girls and depression, especially after the pandemic. What we have not heard a lot about is boys and depression.

Girls seem sad, tearful, isolated, and uninterested in food, but depressed boys are actually irritable, belligerent, negative in their language, and impulsive. Living with a depressed boy can be like "walking on eggshells" as you watch out for the next outburst. This behavior often doesn't fit our melancholic ideas of depression, so we don't look for help in the same ways.

What can we men do for our boys? We can model vulnerability, express our feelings, find ways to vent that are acceptable (throw baskets or chop wood or bounce a ball off a wall) as we stand side by side with our sons and nephews and students and neighbors. We can talk about times when we have felt hopeless in our own lives, and how we dealt with that hopelessness. We can understand that depression for boys is often anger turned inward. Then we can share what's in our toolbox: journaling, talking to a friend, exercise, helping someone less fortunate, finding a faith practice, and getting out of our own heads.

Boys need men. Men need men. That's how we heal and grow.